May The Noms Be Ever In Your Flavor! (The Hunger Games)

WOOHOO!!! HUNGER GAMES! HUNGER GAMES! HUNGER GAMES! Woah! Wait Tyler! You're a movie reviewer now. You can't give biased reviews. Let's do this professionally................... WHO AM I KIDDING?! DISTRICT 12! GO KATNISS!!! Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system, The Hunger Games. Directed by Gary Ross. Based on the novel by Suzanne Collins. Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, and Liam Hemsworth. Rated PG-13 with a running time of 142 minutes. Given a 7.7/10 on IMDB.com and certified 85% Fresh on Rottentomatoes.com.

"Set in a future where the Capitol selects a boy and girl from the twelve districts to fight to the death on live television, Katniss Everdeen volunteers to take her younger sister's place for the latest match." 


Now, going into this you might be like 99% of our sad excuse of a species saying "Kids killing kids? Why would I want to see that?" or "Isn't this America's sad excuse at copying Battle Royale?" or my personal favorite "Two boys and one girl? A love triangle? This is Twilight!" 

If you're one of those people, please stop wasting the limited space we currently have left on this forsaken planet and if you don't have the guts to do that, keep it in your pants. I'd rather not have my children running around with a bunch of inbred fools. Here we have The Hunger Games. If you haven't already guessed, I'm a huge fan of both the books and this film adaptation, but I'll honestly try to keep my fangirling out of this for now on. 

I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!!!

Let's start with the cast, shall we? A+! 

We have the academy award nominated, beautiful, and sexy Jennifer Lawrence as our heroine Katniss Everdeen. Lawrence does more than an amazing portrayal. She embodies the character in a stunning light and honestly could carry the entire film on her shoulders if needed. I agree with the legend, Donald Sutherland, when I say she may be one the greatest actresses of our generation. Girl deserves ALL the Oscars! I definitely can't say enough about her. If you're unsure that she's too attractive for Katniss, or too old, or are even the slightest bit doubtful, make sure to check out what landed her the nomination, Winter's Bone, and see how brilliant she is. 

Then we have Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mellark, the sweet and innocent baker's son. Although Hutcherson started as what some would call a mediocre child actor, He's never ceased to entertain me. With his very moving films such as Bridge to Tarabithia and The Kids are Alright, JOSH HUTCHERSON IS PEETA MELLARK! His chemistry with Jennifer is inspirational and every scene he's in really pokes at them ole' heartstrings. I think he's going to go far after this.

 Liam Hemsworth as the hunky boy from back home, Gale Hawthorn. Originally I wasn't too fond of Hemsworth. I mean come on! The guys dating Miley Cyrus! How intelligent can he possibly be? But I had the chance to watch some interviews and actually meet him at a Hunger Games event and he's actually a very fun and down-to-Earth guy! He masters the American accent in this film and you really believe he is a completely different person. Liam becomes Gale and I'm very impressed considering this is the first film I've seen him in. 

Who else is worth a mention? Lenny Kravitz in his first big film as Katniss' Stylist, Cinna. At first I thought he might make me want to 'Fly Away'. I felt like asking him "Are You Gonna Go My Way'. But he said 'It Aint Over Til' It's Over' and now 'I Can't Get You Off My Mind' :P Too much? 






So I guess that pretty much sums up my thoughts on him. Kravitz completely blue my expectations out of the water. 

Stanley Tucci! The man who does every role he's ever been given perfectly. No surprise in this film. He plays the announcer for the games, Caesar Flickerman. Blue hair, ridiculous outfit and demeanor and a silly grin. Just amazing! Tucci man, Tucci. 

Wes Bentley's beard in this film! Bentley gives life to a character barely mentioned in the books. He does this so well that one of the scenes he's in is my favorite and as an extremely dedicated fan (9 HG posters in my bedroom thank you very much), that's saying a lot considering it's not in the books. 

Elizabeth banks plays the bubbly Effie Trinket, Katniss and Peeta's mentor from the Capitol. I was really not into her playing this character but every second of screentime she had excited me. You can't even tell it's Elizabeth with the amount of fanominal makeup that's in this movie. 

Donald Sutherland...DONALD BLOODY SUTHERLAND! THE MAN HIMSELF! Sutherland plays the tyrant himself, the man in charge of all the disgusting Hunger Games and poverty and starvation in the Districts, President Snow! Oh my god! Genius. This man gets about three minutes and he is so memorable that words can't even begin to praise him. Just Wow! 

Lastly, We have Woody Harrelson as himself... Harrelson plays Haymitch Abernathy, Katniss' mentor and only lifeline in the Arena. He's drunk, sarcastic, and lazy. I love it! Woody was perfect for the role to begin with. He makes it believable and serious. Just enough drunk too work. The character isn't silly and comical. He's dark, he understands what it is like to be in Katniss' shoes etc. Woody Harrelson makes all of this believable and so much more. Nicely done, dude!

What a cast we have here!




 I think I've written so much at this point that you'd rather be put up against 23 kids and fight to the death then even go on for another second. 

<YOU

Too bad. 




Making $58.5 Million at the box office as of writing this review, this movie speaks for itself. Truly something you've never seen before. No stereotypical movie cliches, it's done in such an unrecognizable fashion by Ross, but it works! Hunger Games is the type of story that I personally believe everyone should taste. Wink Wink. 

It shows us how easy we will give up everything, our intelligence, our bodies, our rights, as long as we are fed and enteratined. Even if that means killing out children. Once again I'm going to quote Whitney Houston. 

What a woman! 




Children are the future, man! Where are we if we kill our children? The scariest thing about this story is we really are not as far from this as you think. Look at how we treat celebrities as gods or the corrupt way our government is currently. Dark Days are upon us. With a movie that's almost two and a half hours, you are never bored. It keeps moving, it's full of action, it's got a real message to get across and it makes you feel. Them heartstrings bein' plucked, yo. Don't miss out on such an extraordinarily entertaining film. Adults and Teens alike will love the experience, I guarantee it. Romance, Action, Love, Tragedy, Sci-Fi, A strong Heroine, An A-list cast, remarkable cinematography, makeup, and costumes, Leprechauns, Gypseys, Pokemon, Digimon, Llamas, Adrian Brody, Batman, Walt Disney, Simply Unforgettable! I can't say enough about how good this movie is. Watch it! The Hunger Games. The Movie On Fire!

~Tyler
   |
  V

Lights! Camera! FAIL! Welcome to TIJAMB!

Well hello there! My lovely audience that doesn't exist! I wish I could sit down right now and weave poetic wonders about how brilliant my blog is, how it's the only piece of magic on the internet that you should even begin to spend your time viewing, and how I am the god of film and reviewing movies, that everything I say is law and only movies I suggest are worthy of your mortal eyes. Sorry, I can't say that. Although I prefer you view me as a god, I'm not one. I sure have the ego for it though. Moving on? I named this appropriately. This is just another movie blog. I'm not trying to sound sarcastic or funny. This isn't some sort of joke or lack of a more interesting, witty name for a blog. Quite literally, there is nothing that sets my blog apart from any other persons. So why make it? Why spend the time to sit for hours on end talking to anyone that cares to listen about something as unproductive as sitting in a cold, dark, uncomfortable movie theater, surrounded by at least fifty of my hated peers? The answer is quite as simple as beating a horse with a bat. Boredom. I truly cannot sleep until I did something productive that day.

As you can more than likely guess, I don't get much sleep. 

But Alas! I watch loads upon loads of movies and although I switch obsessions every thirty seconds, it's probably what I'm most passionate about currently. I mean I even want to major in film and direct for a living. I got this. Okay maybe not. Maybe I'm not the best at this thing. I've never actually made a blog and every project I work on, take my youtube channel for example (Had about 350 subscribers and around 60,000 total video views, a nice following) It crashed and burned harder than a twelve year old boy staring through his neighbors window.

Truth be told, I just love listening to myself talk. Call me narcissistic and I'll tell you "What was that? I was too busy admiring how unbelievably sexy I am!".

Enough rambling on and on about why you shouldn't stick around and read my blog. Allow me to bullshit a few reasons why you should. Now, of course, you could run along to a huge movie review site that actually takes the time to hire people with experience in this stuff that give unbiased reviews of current movies etc. But let's face the facts here, broski. You're young. Why would you want to read essays written by bald, obese, forever alone men, wreaking of cheap movie theater popcorn butter, sweat, and nostalgia, who clearly have nothing better to do then watch movies about lovesick, emotionless bimbos and fairys

TEAM EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 when you could be doing about the same exact thing here? Except my blog is better! It's written by a lousy, lazy, sixteen year old highschool student. You know the kid, the one with a mouth worse than DeadPool. The kid that has to weave his way in and out of fights by outsmarting an entire basketball team. Let's talk about me for a minute! WOOHOO! Yes. I'm a lonely sixteen year old geek with a tendency to run my mouth. I'm short, skinny, haven't had a girlfriend and a damn long time, I spent my nights with a bag of sower patch kids, 4Chan, and Netflix. But listen to me!

Like the beautiful goddess Whitney Houston told us all. I believe children are the future! Is that so? Well, love, I can't let you die in vain! I'm a kid, kids have the power to do a ton. We are all just too busy reading Homestuck, watching My Little Pony, and worrying about how our lives have come to an end because our boyfriend that we dated for twenty minutes broke up with us....I LOVED HIM! :( Ahem! Anyway. What you'll find here is hopefully some entertainment. I've got nothing better to do with my life and I'm passionate about how easy you can feel something real when you watch a movie. Movies have the power to inspire us all, change the way we think, open our eyes, encourage us to make a difference, and make us realize things that we never thought possible in all our years of existing...They can also teach us that as long as you are ugly, a vampire and a werewolf will fight over you and nothing bad will ever happen to you and you'll live happily ever after. Oh! I almost forgot! You'll sparkle too! YAY! Trust me. It's going to be fun here. This is just another movie blog, but I hope it's one you'll enjoy. :D

~Tyler

P.S. If you've made it this far with out guoging your own eyes out with an aborted fetus on a rusty fork, Here's a picture of a trubbish! ^_^